"I don't know how much longer I can endure... I was on the verge of crying today. I couldn't handle it. I barely know how I pulled myself together. This time I'm really afraid I'm going to do something stupid. I placed my palm on his cheek today, than pulled it next to mine... Goodness knows how much I wanted to keep him like that. I wanted to appropriate him! To make him mine...  
He is everything I can think about. I need him. Suffice it to say how much I need him. Is he different towards me? I can't say... Maybe it influenced him what I have said the other day. I lied to him. Not quite lied, but I wasn't honest either. I'm not as worried about her as much about her finding out how I feel just by looking at my face. What a bunch of nonsense! Not even I myself know what exactly do I feel.
This is madness! I can't keep on doing this...
I drowned in his eyes while saying goodbye... Drowned... What a sad word. I wish a glance could revealed all I wanted him to know. All I could never say to him... not ever. I'm still sinking to the bottom..."