Monday, April 15, 2013

"...If only he knew how much I miss him every time he's not around... It's unbearable to handle. I'm mad at him! Crazy at it sounds, I blame him every time he doesn't show up. How dare he! That's the only thought running around in circles in my mind all the time. Like I have any rights to ask that. But that ragging hunger makes it sound like it's my every right to want him next to me all the time. I'm impatient, restless, able to only think when we're about to see next. And what happens? He's not there. I'm dying to mention him, to talk about him, but I can't. I'm afraid I'm revealing too much already. And I can't... I mustn't...
Had he known the way I feel about him, would he have acted differently? What am I talking about... I love his attention already. It's more than I could afford it. More than I should dare to have been caught up into. I love that melting in his eyes when he looks at me sometimes, the way it softens; I love his voice - so soothing and calm - I can drew it forth anytime. Love the way he hugs me so soft and gentle, like I'm some little porcelain doll, like he could crush me if he comes just a little bit closer.
I remember once, the way he stood next to me. It was the closets he ever was. It confused me like it never did before. Warmth! Heat! Hell on earth! I could swear he felt something... but he moved, because it was a decent thing to do. Decent.... Do I even know anymore what that word means...."

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